Blood Drive Questionnaire: An Accurate Translation

 

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1.) Are you feeling healthy and well today?

– Are you like, going to die if we poke you and stuff?

2.) Have you previously donated?

– You do realize we’re going to poke you and stuff, right?

3.) Do you now or have you ever had “Scary Disease 1-68.”

 – You don’t even know what these are, do you? You healthy little twerp.

4-11.) Have you ever had sex with anyone ever at all?

     – But seriously, have you?

12-16.) Have you ever had sexual contact with anyone ever at all?

-Yes, it’s the same thing we just asked you. But maybe you lied.

17.) Are you currently pregnant or nursing?

– Babies. Have any of those? Because they need this blood, dumb dumb.

17.2) So wait, you’re not pregnant?

17.3) Why not?

17.4) From what you told me in question 1, you’re not getting any                                               younger…

17.5) Do you not LIKE babies?

17.6) What’s the matter with you?

17.7) Have you no soul?!

17.8) What are you even doing with your life, Baby-Hater?

17.9) You know when your Grandmothers were your age they                                                        already had like, 5 kids

18.) They’re the reason you’re alive too, by the way.

19) Bet you never even thanked them, did you?

20) Nope. You just decided to “do your own thing” instead of passing on their legacy.

21) Have you always been this selfish?

22) You disgust me.

23.) Ok, but seriously – sex? Who have you had it with?

24.) Did they hate babies too?

25.) Hmph. Typical.

*********************   15 minutes later     **********************

Nurse: “Ok! Let’s get you set up to donate! Looks like that’s the only semi-decent thing you’re doing with your life!”

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