Can I call you friends? Too bad. Already did.
This is probably the part where I should give you an explanation as to why there is, once again, such a significant time lapse between this post and my last. But I don’t wanna, so I’m not gunna. =D
In all honesty finding time to sit down and write has been about as easy as finding a positive comment about Justin Bieber on the internet, so it hasn’t happened in a while. But today, I simply couldn’t resist. That’s because today, “inspiration” to write about my Awkward existence hit me like a dodgeball to the face (yes, that’s happened, more times than I’d like to admit, and most of the time I wasn’t even playing).
One of the funny things about friends, is that they are the only people on earth that are allowed to mock you incessantly without penalty. If some stranger came up to me on the street and made some jab about how unfortunate looking I was when I was a child, I’d deck them (no really, I’m pretty tough. I totally deck people all the time. DECK). However, one of my friends essentially did this very thing today when she posted THIS to my FaceBook wall, and decking her never even crossed my mind. So either I’ve lost my edge, or she is just really lucky I love her.
If you’re wondering who the little twerp with the Harry Potter glasses and the Darth Vader haircut is, wonder no longer.
Apparently, when you’re three, the only size glasses come in are “Half of Your Entire Face”…who knew? Even though I suffer from a general lack of coordination, my disease was much worse when I was a toddler. After watching me walk into walls (and basically everything else…) for the first two and a half years of my life, they took me into the eye doctor and determined that one of my eyes didn’t work. At all. No vision. So my clumsiness was (and still is) only partially my fault. The rest of the blame goes to my scumbag right eye, who served as a freeloader in my face for two years while I tirelessly tripped over everything and anything in my path. It works now, thanks to my geek goggles, but still…
Had I had any say so in the matter, I would have opted for an eye patch. Pirates are pretty BA, and let’s face it, wand or no wand they could EASILY kick Harry Potter’s wizard butt.
To think, I could have been the Pirate…*sigh*…
In regards to the coconut/helmet hair-do, my Mom is, somewhat hilariously, still upset about it. She claims this was a MAJOR mistake; that she instructed the hairdresser to give me a chin-length cut, and a few tragic snips later, this was the result. But hey, chins and ears are pretty easy to mix up, right? Thank God our memories don’t really kick in until we hit 4 or 5, huh?
Sometimes I genuinely forget that this is the way I spent the first *mumbles an unfortunately high number* years of my life. No really, it’s like my brain took pity on me and let me blot this out of my mind once I made it past pre-teen-dom.
Brain: “Hey buddy, how ya’doing?”
Naïve Me: “Oh hey! I’m great, thanks! Life is good, friends and family are terrific, my childhood memories aren’t unfortunate in any way whatsoever and-”
Naïve Me: “Hey, what’s so funny?”
Brain: “Oh, nothing…”
Despite the ridiculous amount of effort I’ve devoted to accidentally destroying all evidence (pictures) of this dark chapter of my childhood maliciously, my “friends” and family members never fail to dig something like this up when I least expect it. It is clear that I will never completely erase these images from my mind (and now, consequently, yours).
It just goes to show, you can take the girl out of the awkward, or you can leave her there and mock her forever.