This little public service announcement is long overdue. There are bound to be more entries in the future, but for now, here is a list of places where eye contact is STRICTLY PROHIBITED:
#1: At The Dentist’s Office – There are probably WAAAY too many fingers in your mouth for socialization to take place, and staring into the eyes of the owner of said fingers won’t make things any better I promise.
#2: With Strangers in Public Bathrooms – the mirror in front of the sink makes this one a bit difficult sometimes, but given the primary objective of public bathroom usage, it is best to ignore people’s existence at all costs. Pee friends don’t need to be friends.
#3: At the Bus Stop After Dark – I am speaking from experience here folks, making eye contact at night with the randos at your bus stop only earns you a one-way ticket into unwanted interaction..trust me, just say no.
#4: While Blowing Your Nose – It is bad enough to do this around other living, breathing, non-diseased people, especially at a close distance. Anyone within five miles of you will be made aware of the surplus of mucus being pushed out of nostrils when they hear that God-awful sound you’re making. No one wants to share this moment with you. Stoppit.
#5: If you are eating a banana, pickle, lollipop or popsicle – No. Just no.
#6: During Sex scenes in Movies – Yay for you if you are beyond the average movie-goer’s maturity level and aren’t awkward-ed out by the canoodling going on in front of you on a 150 inch screen, but please, do the rest of us a solid and stare at the ceiling, or the floor or anywhere but the eyes of a less-comfortable viewers
#7 : At the Gym – Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is interested in having a staring contest while they are squatting, grunting, sweating, groaning and attempting to focus on everything and anything BUT the fact that they are doing all of these things in front of people. They don’t want to make friends with you, so stop it.
In conclusion, the golden rule for making eye contact is: DON’T