The Furballs

So my roommate (one of the three), is one of those “cat people”. Now, before the angry PETA letters start rolling in:

DISCLAIMER: Cats are great. They’re cute and fluffy and even though I am about to complain about my room mate’s that does not mean I HATE them or that I want to hurt them or ship them to Timbuktu in a shoe box or…ya know, other bad things.
On any given day, their names are Lexi and Sophie, Thing 1 and Thing 2, This one and That one, CATS! and a slur of other “nicknames” (usually grumbled under my breath). They are sisters. Yes, actual sisters, and yes, they act like them.) One minute they are cuddling (and licking each other in plain sight…which should just not be a thing.) and the next they are hissing at each other with claws out and ears plastered back-which in Cat body language-means “eff you, sister”. Whenever they are in the same room, I instantly get the “We are Siamese if You Please” song from “Lady and the Tramp” stuck in my head. They aren’t Siamese… but that is besides the point. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdDla0QW844 ( just in case you are unfamiliar with the song, here ya go!)
It’s not that I am SO against having cats; I mean, kittens are cute and all, but THESE CATS have made it their mission in life to make my life awkward in any way they can think of. Think I’m exaggerating? Over-reacting? Think AGAIN!
Here is a list of SOME of the places these fur-balls like to visit frequently:
My underwear/sock drawer: every morning I open it and SURPRISE! Angry kitty invading my privacy!
IN my sink: they sleep here-even when I turn the water on-they LIKE it-they are just THAT freaky, try brushing your teeth with a giant hair-ball in your sink- it isn’t easy, and APPARENTLY spitting on my room mate’s “babies” is not allowed…oops.
Hiding in the freezer: as in the one where we keep food, they think it is their personal winter wonderland or something)
The storage closet (we’ll come home, and hear this pathetic mewing: “heeeelp me, I went in the closet again because I NEVER LEARN.”
In the Shower-WHILE I’M IN IT: granted, this has only happened once, but have a furry thing jump in the shower while you’re stark naked and vulnerable and trust me, once will be more than enough.
On my Back: because they can’t just be held like normal cats-no, they have to climb you and perch on top of your head like it’s their territory. My room mate thinks this is adorable but I am fully aware that they are just asserting their dominance like little furry jerks.
In addition to their favorite hang-outs, they also have a few “quirks”that make me consider buying animal-skin rugs…
Tipping over the bathroom trashcan: because my favorite thing to do is pick up used tissues and q-tips OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.
Jumping on my lap while I eat:  cat-hair is a great source of fiber you know…
Running into my room and hiding under my bed where I can’t reach them: usually on days where I am already running late-which is everyday. I can’t close my bedroom door with them inside-so guess who gets to play “coax the kitty” every day?
Only pooping while you’re in the same room as the litter-box: seriously, it’s like they can’t do it without an audience to appreciate their bodily functions.
I could go on and on…but I am already ashamed of myself for being one of those people who blogs about their room mate’s cats…so I will salvage what little dignity I have left and end this rant where it is. I keep telling the cats that “WE ARE NOT FRIENDS” but even as I am writing this, one of them is curled up next to me purring…so clearly there is a bit of a language barrier. Terrific.
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